Suki Jones 

Starting university felt like stepping into a whole new world, a place where I could finally reinvent myself. Almost immediately, I was filled with a newfound confidence that I had never experienced before. Within the first week, I found myself dating a girl from my course, someone I now see as the one that got away. But at the same time, I was juggling a long-distance relationship with my college girlfriend. This combination led to my first taste of cheating—a tangled web of emotions and choices that has haunted me ever since.

Looking back, I realize that I hardly attended lectures. In fact, I was quite arrogant about it, feeling superior because I believed I could charm any girl I wanted. It was intoxicating, this feeling of power. I could talk a good game, spinning tales that captivated those around me. But as I’ve learned over the years, there’s a stark difference between confidence and arrogance. Women appreciate a man with genuine confidence, not someone who hides their insecurities behind bravado. My arrogance was a mask, concealing the shy, timid boy I once was, and it only led to superficial connections that left me feeling empty.

In those days, I prioritized fun over responsibility. My life revolved around girls, drinking, and partying. I remember vividly those late-night escapades, fueled by youthful exuberance and a desire to live in the moment. The thrill of juggling two relationships was like a high I couldn’t resist, but it came at a significant cost. Each night out felt like a victory, and I wore my escapades like badges of honor. I had a flashy Samsung flip phone, the latest gadget I had saved up for, which became my tool for navigating this double life. Text messages and calls were my lifelines, helping me maintain the façade while I engaged in my reckless behavior.

But as exhilarating as those experiences were, they were also deeply irresponsible. I was not just neglecting my studies; I was leaving a trail of hurt feelings behind me. The late-night phone calls to my college girlfriend, while I was out with someone new, left me grappling with guilt, yet I continued to push those feelings aside. In the haze of partying and chasing girls, I failed to recognize the emotional impact my actions had on others.

Reflecting on this time in my life, I don’t have regrets about the experiences themselves. They were part of my journey, shaping who I am today. However, I do feel a sense of sadness for how I treated people along the way—friends, ex-girlfriends, and even strangers. The person I was in my 20s wasn’t kind; I was wrapped up in my own desires and insecurities. For too long, it had been all about me and my wants. That self-centeredness carried over into many aspects of my life, affecting my relationships and interactions.

Even now, I’m learning to navigate the remnants of that arrogance. As someone once told me, “You don’t suffer fools.” While I strive to embrace empathy and understanding, there’s a part of me that still struggles to connect with those who don’t meet my standards. It’s a constant battle to balance self-confidence with kindness, and I’m far from perfect. But I recognize that this journey of personal growth is crucial—not just for myself, but for those around me.

The wild nights, the fleeting connections, and the chaos of university life shaped me in ways I’m still unpacking. Those experiences taught me valuable lessons about love, respect, and the importance of treating people with care. The thrill of being young and free was exhilarating, but it also left me with a lot to reconcile. As I reflect on those days, I see both the joy and the pain intertwined, reminding me that every choice we make carries weight.

As I continue to evolve, I’m committed to being better—not just for my own sake, but for the people I care about. It’s about acknowledging the past while striving to create a future that reflects the values I want to embody. The journey isn’t easy, but it’s one worth taking, and I hope to share these lessons with others who may find themselves on similar paths.